When to let them walk away, and when to help them push through.
Yep, the “P” word, Parenting!
Okay, so I now have three teenagers: 19, 17 and 13-year-old people who I love dearly and they love me. I am the mom. They are the children. This is a clear line in my house as I have had the privilege of being trained by many clients when I was a therapist at the amazing Clifford Beers Child Guidence Clinic of New Haven, CT. I had 100’s of teachers between the ages of 4 and 18 who taught me about what happens when the parent/child line is not clear. While it seems like “being a pal” it is better for all, do not be fooled, it is not better for the children. I say this with a certainty due to being reminded by my teenagers of how much they think I do a rotten job of “momming” (at times) and how safe and loved they tell me they feel (at times). I think the Psych Sage, Alice Miller, would have agreed…and that is “Good Enough” for me!
What does this have to do with ayurveda? Yoga? EVERYTHING. Learning when to walk away, surrender to it, because the lesson learned is a skill set not all of us possess. I wonder if sometimes our parents had us “push through” to build character and this got integrated as an “all the time” activity. And some of us, the ones with the “fun” parents, were not supported to have to “push through”. This means they do not have that skill set to rely upon when the lesson becomes a fire or tapas thus they keep working on the same lesson over and over again…creating samskara or a deep impression. This samskara is a bad habit at the least and a psychological shadow or obstacle over lifetimes.
Still confused about the yoga and ayurveda link? Both yoga and ayurveda recommend meditation as a tool to promote self awareness, to develop consciousness, and to commune with the Divine. Meditation helps us practice aligning ourselves more with our adi guru or inner teacher than the voices in the outer world. This is key to a healthy mind or a balanced mindset with Sattva or clarity at the center. With Sattva at the center we have the support of movement or rajas and stability or tamas as smaller side bars to help us live in this World. Both yoga and ayurveda offer us many practices to work, or to clear the dust (tamas) off Sattva and ground the movement of rajas so we can help ourselves, and our children, DISCERN when it is time to surrender and when we need to put our all into it (to practice tapas), hard work and push through.
Now, go do those belly down backbends so you can sit for meditation with ease